A STORY + A WORD ON KARMIC RELATIONSHIPS
“We used to be friends, but now she treats me like literal sh*t. I’ve never let anyone talk to me like this, or do the things she’s done to me, and still I always go back. I feel pathetic at this point, like where is my self-worth?”
A friend of mine – let’s call her Jade – has been in a situationship for seven years with a woman we’ll call Leslie. They really did start off as friends (best friends actually), but eventually gave in to a stronger connection they felt on a physical and emotional level. However, Leslie was in an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy who was liked and respected by her traditional, more conservative family, while Jade was, well… a woman. Two women together would never fly in either of their families, so they tried to bury the romantic feelings and remain friends.
We all know how well that worked.
They hooked up sporadically and even attempted a secret committed relationship for a second, which didn’t work out. While Leslie went on to break up with her on and off again boyfriend, date, and then get into another committed relationship with a different dude, Jade remained single. “No one compared” to Leslie. They continued to kick it as friends in public, and hook up every now and then. Jade spoiled Leslie as though she were her woman and made sure she knew how much she was adored – how no one else would ever love her this much. Leslie acknowledged that to probably be true and voiced her own intimate feelings scarcely.
They spoke every day, except during periods when Leslie would become distant and harsh, as though she were trying to freeze Jade out. They’d talk about it, and move on until it happened again. This was emotional torture for Jade, who was constantly pulled in and strung along with Leslie’s half rear-end affection, only to be pushed away and shut out until she was ready to open up again. They hadn’t spoken in almost a month at this point and Jade was anxious. She wanted to call Leslie and go off, sick of being ignored and amazed at how much she was being taken for granted.
Over the years, she’d found herself compromising more of her peace of mind and even acting in ways she’d never acted thought possible. She was turning into the obsessed, crazy chick. At this point she didn’t recognize herself, and didn’t understand how she could love someone so much and feel so much pain associated with them at the same time. Impatiently questioning her own character and self-worth, she struggled with the idea she may really have to let go of the “friendship.” She was beyond angry thinking of all that energy and time down the drain.
Here lies the lesson at the core of every karmic relationship. Karmic relationships aren’t meant to last or make you happy. *womp womp*
They’re meant to teach you a love lesson, and more importantly, promote personal growth. Yaaay!!??
10 SIGNS YOU’RE IN A KARMIC RELATIONSHIP
- There’s an instant connection. You’re immediately attracted to this person and they feel kind of perfect, like the man or woman of your dreams. We know, the universe is a sick SOB.
- It feels meant to be, like there’s a major reason this person is in your life. So you try different ways to make it work and it never does.
- Repetitive patterns. Same arguments, zero change. If you’re in an on and off again relationship, that’s a big red flag.
- You feel addicted. The highs are extremely high and the passion is intense. The lows are incredibly low and leave you wondering what the hell you’re doing with your life.
- Selfishness and significant imbalance. One person is invested, and the other acts as though they couldn’t care less most of the time. They make you feel, dare we say… unworthy??
- Your worst fears are realized. If you have a fear of abandonment or rejection, you’ll find yourself feeling constantly abandoned and rejected by this person.
- You bring out one another’s dark side. Your most difficult characteristics are revealed often and studied under a microscope, so much that you start thinking maybe you don’t deserve to be treated better. Karmic relationships are irrational and play on your insecurities.
- The relationship is volatile and you never feel secure. Sometimes they’re warm and inviting, and then they’re cold and cutting with their words. It’s always one step forward, two steps back and you never know what you’re going to get, so it’s hard to keep your guard down.
- There’s a subtle (or sometimes not so much) need for dependency and control. You give them power over your mind and emotions, and get angry because you can’t possess them the way you want.
- You push each other’s buttons. Though you may not mean to, the insecurity bred in the relationship makes you defensive and super sensitive. Things are generally more difficult than they should be when dealing with your partner.
Obviously, this kind of relationship is no bueno. It’s unhealthy and hinders your growth. Okay, that was a lot. Let’s take a moment to be sad.
BUT there is a silver lining. Most people find their actual soulmates after learning their karmic lessons because they’ve learned how to heal their pain and be true to themselves.
BREAK THE CYCLE
Once in a blue moon we meet people that feel significant to our lives. And they are, but sometimes not in the way we think. We meet people on this journey through life who come bearing gifts in the form of lessons we need to value ourselves, love others for who they are independent of what they bring to our lives, and grow into the people we’re meant to be so that we may SLAY accordingly.
If you think you’re in a karmic relationship, how long before you learn the lessons? If you can’t feel at peace or safe in a relationship, even a friendship, what’s the point? If you’re still waiting for things to get better, why?
Our karmic relationship partners aren’t around to love us, or on the flipside make us feel like hell, FOREVER.
They’re here to serve as a mirror so that we may get a clear view of ourselves and the wounds we need to heal. Doing so will prepare us to love ourselves and others, and to live in our truth.
Karmic lessons are vital to our development and the longer we take to learn them, the more confused and miserable we’ll be. Please note it isn’t our intention to villainize or victimize anyone; it takes two to tango. However, if you’re feeling tortured by someone who claims to love you, “but –”, know there is no “but.”
It isn’t hard to love someone… unless that someone is yourself. Funny how that works.
Here’s how you officially end your karmic relationship cycle:
- Know that you may never get “closure.” A huge characteristic of a karmic relationship is confusion/difficulty. Attempting to get answers and clarity will keep you drawn to your partner. It’s a fact – we’re attracted to things and people we can’t understand. But would you ask a brick wall a question and wait around for the answer? That wall may as well be your karmic partner. Get extremely comfortable with not knowing everything.
- Take a moment to acknowledge and express gratitude for the things you did learn about yourself, and all you’re capable of, while with your partner. Doing so will help you see the point and get some perspective. Gratitude births contentment and abundance.
- On the flipside, forgive them. They are who they are and act from their own level of current consciousness. Forgive yourself for your own contributions to the situation. Acknowledge the fact that you chose to remain in it long after the red flags. Forgive your partner for not molding to fit your fantasy and forgive yourself for allowing your ego to get out of hand. You did not create him or her, and have no control over the life s/he lives or the person they choose to be. Vow to live by the lessons you learned and to trust your intuition/God/the Universe from now on.
- Release the karmic energy from your life. I find saying it aloud helps to seal the deal. Plus, our words carry weight. Do not make contact. If you find yourself getting angry again about something they did and you want to give a piece of your mind, remind yourself that this is a part of the process and that going back will only bring you more pain. They acted in a way that came naturally to them; try not to take it so personally.
Act on this ASAP. After all, you have amazing things to accomplish in this world with people you don’t have to fight to love. When anger and an elevated heart rate are replaced with peace of mind and contentment when reminded of your KP, you’ll know you’ve conquered your cycle!